Is it true that “until you love yourself, no one will love” and “without love of yourself you cannot love others”? Are there examples of such an effect in your life?

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answers (29)

Answer 1
August, 2021

This is unambiguous. Because a lot is invested in the concept of "self-love". Starting with nutrition, ending with clean shoes. The more you value yourself, the more others value you. The main thing is not to overdo it so that it does not develop into narcissism. )

Answer 2
August, 2021

This is a far-fetched, false statement. And it goes back to the Christian - Love your neighbor as yourself.

A child who does not realize what it means to love himself loves his mother.

The very concept of love is ephemeral, transcendental (in in the sense that is beyond cognition).

Love cannot be touched, cannot be sniffed, cannot be tasted, cannot be seen.

Nevertheless, Erich Fromm has a treatise called the Art of Love.

Answer 3
August, 2021

Love and respect for yourself is the foundation, the foundation on which a happy life is built. The more you respect and love yourself , the greater your chances of becoming a successful person and achieving your goals. In this article, you will learn how to love yourself and start respect yourself , live in harmony with your yourself .

Answer 4
August, 2021

Yes, because without self-love there is no self-esteem ..

first you need to realize who you are, your goals, values, life postulates, to realize your dreams and desires

Answer 5
August, 2021

Fear is stronger than love and much more reliable. And love is a capricious girl today she is tomorrow she is gone. So if I tried to get people to like them and they sang praises to me, then I would never have achieved anything in my life.

Answer 6
August, 2021

Hello! No, that's not entirely true. Love is a freaky thing. When a person falls in love with someone, he does not know in advance whether his object loves himself.

but the usefulness of this principle lies in something else - you need to love yourself, because no one will decide your goals except you.

Answer 7
August, 2021

Both of these phrases refer to nominative statements, so their veracity depends on the meaning that you put in them. If desired, any person, including you, can give examples of this "effect" - unless he wants to give the opposite.

I'll try to bring a bit of clarity.

Understood in one way or another, self-love affects both, in one way or another, do you agree? Attitude towards yourself is important in any case. We will not consider positive examples, because you are not asking about them.

  1. Suppose they love you, but you don't. It doesn't matter how you would answer the question "who am I" (of course, this is important, it's just that we are not talking about this), will this situation suit you? will you believe in the sincerity of a lover? will you respect his feelings?
  2. Or, let's say you love someone else, anyone, just not yourself. Will it really be self-sacrifice, and not vice versa, sacrificing your loved ones? This is a harder question, yes.

If in the first case we are talking about rejection of oneself, the consequence of which was rejection of love for oneself on the part of another, then in the second case it is difficult to say what follows. Rather, it is a rejection of love as such, whatever that means. You seem to say: “I don’t need this, but it will be useful to you.” In this case, you either offer a person under the guise of love, no one knows what (different examples) - or you don't even offer. Out of respect, realizing the danger of an "untested product".

...

In both cases, love can be. It is not completely excluded, for the world is "one and good." And of course, love does not start with self-love, otherwise narcissists and selfish people would be the most beloved and loving people. However, self-rejection may well begin to lack it.

Both of these phrases are extremely useful for people who really do not love themselves. And yes, these same phrases can be used to manipulate and justify selfishness. So what? Compared to some of the quotes, they are simply flawless.

=))

Answer 8
August, 2021

Not true. It is difficult to love yourself, the more you know, the more disgusting. And to love others is obligatory and necessary. Doing without self-love :)))

Answer 9
August, 2021

Yes, it is. A man sees when a girl loves herself, and when not. This is reflected in her appearance, in words. And if she loves herself, then this will be reflected in everything. This attracts the opposite sex.

Answer 10
August, 2021

Yes, there is. My unsuccessful marriage, divorce, which was already 9 years ago. And during all this time, I have not been able to build a serious relationship.

I did not particularly love anyone.

Initially, I thought that the reason for failure in relationships, that I love myself too much, but this was my biggest delusion.

I saw my dislike for myself only at the age of 35, looking back at my past. Not without the help of psychotherapy, astrologers.

I did not love myself, because I am an unwanted second child. Conceived at a difficult time for my parents, there were doubts. I, as a child, felt it all.

And throughout my life I tried to DEAR the love of parents, and after that of men.

And this is sad.

But realizing this is already a big victory.

Answer 11
August, 2021

The first phrase is perfectly accurate and works like a clock. I know from the example of many of my friends how it works. So, first of all, you need to love yourself.

Answer 12
August, 2021

"Without self-love, you can't fall in love with others" - I'll take this part. I agree with this, but at first glance it looks different. For example, an insecure, self-loving person can fall in love very much, become dependent on a partner. But this is not love, but addiction.

In fact, a person who does not love himself does not really see his partner, but simply seeks confirmation that someone also needs him. After all, there is no love for oneself inside, so one must look for it outside. For such a person, a partner is a function that should cover a need. Although he doesn't realize it himself, he says he loves.

In such an addicted relationship, both can suffer a lot. The addict - because he has little attention, the second - because he always feels bad and guilty.

Love is when people see and accept each other for who they are. Not to plug a hole in your soul.

Answer 13
August, 2021

Yes, literally that year I hated myself and thought that I was not a particularly interesting person, but literally last summer I gave it up and decided to turn my back on all the people who used my own self-loathing. I began to respect myself more and put people in their place, after that everyone from whom I turned away fell in love with me

Answer 14
August, 2021

Oooh yes! One of the brightest experiences in life, she loved a guy to madness, was ready for anything, put him above everyone else, including herself, did not grow together, and the man treated me as bestial as possible ...

I cried for days, lost 10 kg, with an initial weight of 48 kg., I will remember those sufferings for the rest of my life.

I remember the turning point too, in the next hysterics I realized that I was pulling myself together, or my life is rolling into tar tarara. I began to read books on psychology, forced myself to go out into the street, smile, communicate, I just forced myself. And the most important thing - I gradually came to terms with the most terrible thing for myself, namely Pts I want love, but if it does not happen, so what! I realized that the most important person for me is myself, I started to look at everything from a position - will it be good for me? if someone did not like it, I thought and still believe that this is the opinion of another person, and my "I" should not interact in any way with the assessment of another person. In general, the period after the crisis was one of the happiest, I did whatever I wanted, did not blame myself for nothing, I began to identify assholes by the first phrase. Now I have been married for 5 years, my husband is in his arms!

and until now, I remain of the opinion that first "I" then all the others. Please do not confuse it with selfishness, I also love my husband, parent and loved ones, I do not infringe on them in anything, but if one of them starts hurting me or treating me badly, I will say goodbye to him without remorse. And by the way, my husband is perfectly aware of this, I think his love is directly related to my personal self-esteem

Answer 15
August, 2021

It is difficult to give an unequivocal answer, because everything rests on what you call and consider love.

I, for example, tend to agree based on my personal experience - when I did not love myself, I I refused to meet girls myself, because I did not think that someone might be interested.

Then, when self-hatred was worked out and self-love and acceptance of oneself began to work in the background, everything went on and on, and love from the girls started.

But at the same time , there are a lot of cases with toxic relations ala "victim-tyrant", in which the victim will tell you that she loves her tyrant in such a way that mom does not grieve, while any sane, conscious person will see that this person does not love himself at all, otherwise I would not even be in this relationship.

What is stupidity, shortsightedness and emotional dependence for you, love and "real feelings" for another.

Therefore, everything is conditioned by the psychology of individuals - some may sincerely refute your theses, and some sincerely will agree.

Success and all the best in life, no offense!

Alexander

Answer 16
August, 2021

Every person, thing and phenomenon that you encounter is a part of yourself, and we are all part of one whole, so self-love is inseparable from love for other people, from love for the world. You cannot feel love for something or someone, you can just feel love. This feeling, as it were, emanates from you and is directed outward, in all directions, and at the same time its source is the whole world. In other words, peace is love.

People confuse love with feelings such as attachment, fear of loss, gratitude and others, but it cannot be described so simply.

Answer 17
August, 2021

If we talk about the connection between love for oneself and love for another or another, then it is and is often obvious. With a careful analysis of their relationships, each person will understand that the root of many problems is precisely the inability to love oneself and in general.

There is a different love for oneself, sometimes it even becomes a cancerous tumor of a person, so this is a stick of two ends. But still, healthy self-love is useful because a person who has it constantly learns to accept himself as he is, to empathize with himself, to understand any of his driving processes, not to blame himself, but to realize himself and improve. As a rule, a person who has really accepted himself is ready to do the same in the wrong direction. Competent self-love can develop tolerance and good empathy.

The other side is self-dislike. What awaits such people? Firstly, love is the greatest art, and one facet of mastery of such "artists" is missed. This means that they have a greater probability of failure. Secondly, more specifically, self-dislike is very often accompanied by psychological problems. Either their consequence, or it generates them. A person with low self-esteem in most cases is doomed to soreness in a relationship. He may become dependent on the partner's assessment, may paranoidly wait for the frequent approval of his appearance / actions, may consider himself unworthy of his partner, and so on. All this is very sad and requires long-term therapy.

If we talk about personal experience, then difficulties in relationships arise from this definitely. For example, jealousy is, first of all, a dislike for oneself, an unwillingness to understand that they can really and really love you, you alone. Ownership has the same roots. It is difficult with the constant distrust of a partner's love. I don't see beauty in myself, he talks to me about it all the time, and I'm not ready to accept his words. And it’s sad and sad from this.

In conclusion, I would like to add that love is a gigantic field that cannot be divided into separate areas. As for me, a person can either love or not. Love is a subtle feeling that should permeate your entire being, and not just you, for example, or your perception of another person.

Perhaps a quote from Fromm's The Art of Love would be appropriate: “The problem of existence can be resolved by each person only within himself, and not with the help of an intermediary.”

Answer 18
August, 2021

Regarding the first point - yes, my experience confirms this. When I didn't love myself, I was ashamed, I was downtrodden and so on - no one was eager to be around. When I began to change towards self-love, I began to open up, and it turned out that the people around me are also interesting and desirable.

As for love for others, this is not entirely true. There are many examples when a person, not loving himself, tries to realize himself in love for someone else. To her husband or children, for example. But these are unhappy people, their love manifests itself in painful, grotesque forms, all participants in the relationship get tired of such love. It is in such situations that the thoughts "I put my whole life on you, but you do not appreciate" and "smothers with love" appear. And this love for others is, in fact, just an endless plea to be loved. "If I feed my alcoholic husband with borscht, he will appreciate it and bring me a bouquet of flowers," roughly speaking. But this prayer is never fulfilled.

A person who loves himself is able to love someone differently. Without needing so desperately for someone, a person can let go of a loved one (not for whores, of course, but, for example, for communicating with other people or for hobbies that he does not share), can calmly accept other people's characteristics. Not feeling the obligation to look forward to someone else, he can nevertheless take care of the need. People who love themselves make up healthier and more loving couples in which balance and balance prevail.

Answer 19
August, 2021

Starting to pay attention to your person, a new positive energy is released, which just attracts other people to you))) and if I am in a constant dresser, then people feel it, I apologize for being rude, but who will want to deal with a dull a shit who now and then whines about the fact that no one does not love him, poor me unhappy, etc. that's why you need to devote as much time as possible to your ego to be able to praise yourself for any not particularly noticeable everyday little things! Personally, I made a schedule for myself consisting of 2 columns, in one of them I wrote those moments for which I can respect myself today (10 examples), let's say the knee helped to work with that or that or went to training, and in the second 3 negative For so that I could correct myself and not praise myself, see my shortcomings (refused to help someone, or lied to any person), in general, through trial and error, I achieved inner comfort, which is what I wish for you) ps. Sorry for the mistakes in terms of punctuation marks and so on, I studied very badly for nine grades, now I can't correctly explain the train of thought))) but I hope everything helped you exactly with something))) all the best)

Answer 20
August, 2021

First :

No, not true

I do not like and probably even slightly despise both my appearance and my inner world

But in all I was in the center since childhood, I had many friends, both ordinary and close, the best, who loved for the image of an interesting, intelligent, smiling guy who exudes love and pours out hilarious jokes

Periodically, girls appeared , sometimes at parties he suddenly found himself in bed with half-familiar ladies without much initiative on his part

As for the second thesis - falling in love can arise, but build a relationship with a person who loves a person despised by you (yourself, that is ) it is difficult, in any case, at least subconsciously, you will feel false in this, because no matter who says anything, and we measure people by ourselves, if only because we do not represent the way of thinking of others, and therefore poorly understand, how you can love us with SUCH flaws

Answer 21
August, 2021

A little doubtful, I'll write it down, and you already understand how you want.

Why Don Juan and Casanova did not have to be handsome for them to be in demand from the opposite sex? Because they praised women above themselves, they loved women more than themselves.

Loving yourself, of course, is important, but the main thing is that it does not develop into narcissism. You have to love HER more than you love yourself, - unfortunately, it has been tested on sad personal experience.

Answer 22
August, 2021

Yes, it is. I was convinced of this myself. Before, I hated every inch of my body and was fixated on shortcomings, not spending time on my friends and acquaintances. Despite the fact that no one ever said to my face that I was ugly, I still stood my ground. Now I am free from this and began to devote more time to the people around me. And it helps. Without confident speech, gait and character, people are unlikely to pay attention to you.

Answer 23
August, 2021

If you gut all three answers above, you get something close to the truth.

Both statements in the question are not entirely correct and, rather, they will be closer to sayings than to reality, but some truth in they are. Not loving yourself and loving others is quite successful for yourself. Not to love yourself and be loved by someone - this situation also takes place. But I don't quite like the phrase "love yourself" because it is easily replaced by pure selfishness. As a result, we get people who "love themselves", but in a rather perverse way: using others for personal gain, manipulating opinions and emotions. And in general, they have a disgusting character. But all this is justified by the fact that “I live for myself, you don’t understand.”

It seems to me that these expressions should be understood a little differently most correctly. Not so much to love as to appreciate yourself. Strive to achieve happiness, no matter how ephemeral it may be, be it local or global happiness. To have goals, to understand your position in life (here I am not about any social status, but about the fact that your deeds are important and make sense, no matter how small these deeds are), have aspirations, develop, do not stand still and try bring as little destructive as possible into your life. And certainly not to strive for the destructive.

Many people come to this for years, or even decades.

You can be loved, and you can love, but this feeling will be pure in those cases in which love comes to some kind of partnership, in which both work on themselves and on each other.

Answer 24
August, 2021

Not at all. For example, I don't need an excuse not to love people, they say: "Well, I treat myself badly because of this, and I have the same attitude to others." No! Quite the opposite, I love all people on Earth, except for the only one - myself. It helps me to grow over myself every day, but I don’t need to go to the point of self-flagellation, because you need to know when to stop in order to avoid unpleasant excesses associated with mental health.

Answer 25
August, 2021

I love myself very much. Until the loss of criticism sometimes. To delusions of grandeur and narcissism.

I often infect people with this. In any case, it has always been very easy for me to find men and work.

Answer 26
August, 2021

Such statements are not axioms. They only help some person desperate in love to turn their attention to themselves, which, in principle, is not bad, since many people really care little about themselves - their "personality", and from this they earn a lot of psychological problems. Accordingly, understand yourself - you will understand others.

But in general, it's still like in a physics lesson: laws are considered either in sterile conditions or in a vacuum. In fact, everything is more complex and diverse.

Someone unconsciously falls in love with beauty, and he does not care about the notorious person, who loves himself or not. Someone falls in love with a lifestyle, someone needs just blind reverence (what kind of self-love is there?), And so on.

And you, too, can love and respect yourself dear (dear ), but falling in love as was not, and will not be. Because this complex feeling is based on a host of subtle chemical and psychological nuances, self-respect has nothing to do with it.
And even vice versa, you will be absolutely blind to yourself and unhappy, and then - bam! - fell in love, and even in return, and immediately happiness, beauty around and in oneself in a minute sorted out and respected both themselves and others!

Answer 27
August, 2021

Yes. Without banal self-respect and self-recognition, nothing will happen. Proven on its own skin.

As soon as you start playing and wasting time on empty selection of masks, someone else has already fooled the object of your sympathy.

Nobody just needs a pounding bag of decay, who does not know who he is and what he wants from this life, who cannot accept his shortcomings and live in harmony with himself.

You need to love yourself, even if everything is very bad and the whole world is rapidly going against you.

There was a period in my life, the happiest. When I did not pay attention at all to any ridicule, to any insults, but simply lived in a plus for myself. People began to reach out to me and even after many years I fell in love again.

And the second thesis is also true.

Answer 28
August, 2021

No, not true.
"Self-love" and love are so far from each other processes that they have only letters in the name in common.

Will you love you at all? which cannot be answered in advance. But this is definitely not connected with how you will decorate your egoism.

As for the second part, then "you will not love yourself, you will not love others," the connection here is negative and not positive, ie. the more you "love yourself" the more difficult it will be for you to love another person.

Answer 29
August, 2021

Yes (personal experience)

Here, probably, there is a mixture of "love + respect" for oneself.

And it is important not to go too far towards pride and egocentrism. And not to be confused with self-sacrifice or balanced criticism.

It is commonplace when I do something to infringe on my interests; something different from my ideas of correctness and morality; or vice versa, I show weak will - everything ultimately turns against me. Due to disrespect for myself, I often fell under the influence of others, as a result of which I was left with nothing. Contempt and / or indifference to oneself leads to emptiness, depersonalization. It is transmitted to everything that I do, what I touch. As a result, I do not have "full-fledged" friends by the age of 25 (those about whom they say that with them "it is easy and simple to become yourself"). In general, you lose "yourself". And who is interested in love is not clear what?

When you show signs of love and respect for yourself, then, oddly enough, life becomes easier in a certain sense. It is corny that you do not allow yourself to waste time, focusing on what is more important in your opinion.

As for your second thesis, it seems to me that my failure prevents me from developing a full-fledged attachment.

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